Every Crushing Node

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog and an even longer time that I have written anything of actual significance. I am not devoid of feelings. In fact, I have become so fanatic that I have tried to make sense of every tingle, vibration, and clench. I went against my beliefs and became obsessed with searching and making sense of everything that I felt myself hanging off the precipice. In this constant search for an ostensible meaning, I ended up feeling meaningless. The paces of my latest passions were not steady and progressive insomuch as they would bloom and collapse. I could feel myself not caring about putting an effort to maintain my relationships and I let my passions fall by the wayside. But I feel a turnaround. It has been less than twenty-four hours since I finished my last exam of my undergraduate studies and this high that I am experiencing is more than worth the travail of the last five years. I used school as an albatross of carried excuses to sacrifice relationships, friendships and activities I wanted to accomplish but did not. There is an awakening because the excuses have fallen and the weight has been lifted. It is not that school was not purposeful but it was simply just a parenthesis in this creation of becoming something meaningful. There is a knowing that the start of something new is the start of a trembling brilliance.

Also of significance, a week ago I got my tarot cards read. Despite my lack of faith in the activity itself, I was thrilled at the opportunity to gain some new perspectives. She focused on what she saw as two major things in my life: love and education. I do not want to give away the detailed explanations she illuminated, but I do find that the two themes are very prominent. Now that my education is complete (for the time being?), I'm ready to learn through explorations of the mind, body and all that exists between matter and the stars. I'm ready to learn through love and learn through a thorough fostering of my soul's imagination and application of this consciousness. I hope you stay awhile to see what becomes of me. 

Pam  xx